home is You

Another post via e-mail.

Tired, but my mind is racing. Processing too many situations/ feelings/ thoughts/ conversations/ memories/ opportunities/ divine appointments right now.

Learning more about myself all the time.

I'm struggling to focus on the Truth in the midst of a crazy life. Struggling to focus on the Known in the midst of so many questions.

So as my mind races at the end of the day, I just need to make a declaration. Too tired to journal this all out. Hoping someone else will benefit from knowing they're not alone in this wild ride called life.

My declaration tonight:

You, my God, are my true home.
You are where my heart is.
I have no need but You.

All that I possess does not validate me.
All that I lack will never hinder me.
All I've done does not define me.

Your grace is sufficient for me!

*megan

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Directionally Challenged.

I'll be the first to admit that I am directionally challenged.

I can get lost going somewhere I've been a dozen times. I can tell you the worst possible way to get just about anywhere. I've driven the wrong way down a one-way street a time or two (or three, or four... don't judge me, you know you've done it too). Add a passenger or phone convo into the mix and I'm capable of missing my exit and driving multiple hundreds of miles on the wrong road. In my home state I know how to get only a handful of places. No joke.

You'd think I would be used to it by now. I certainly am not. I try to have a sense of humor about it but the truth is:

Getting lost is stressful, even panic-inducing.

Realizing you're going the wrong way is confusing.

Not knowing how to get where you want to be is frustrating.

 

Today the irony of my directionally challenged-ness hit me like a ton of bricks. Right now I am in a life season that is very uncomfortable and awkward. I've had my share of these seasons before but just like the frustration of getting lost while driving, the discomfort of the season has not lessened over time. If anything, it has intensified.

Sometimes I feel a little lost in life. I panic, I analyze every little thing trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing. Then I look to my Daddy and remember He said that if I trust Him with my whole heart and acknowledge Him in everything, He'll make the path straight before me (Proverbs 3).

I fear going the wrong way. In a culture that expects me to have life figured out by now, I daily have to shake off the feelings (oh, emotions!) and expectations of people and cling to the Truth that in this life I walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5). Another Scripture I love: He makes me sure-footed as a deer, leading me along mountain heights (Psalm 18). When I walk with Him I can walk in confidence and certainty.

I have dreams and goals and desires that often seem so far away. To be a woman after God's heart, a more passionate worshipper, true friend, wise leader, loving wife and crazy-awesome mom. For the moments when I am overwhelmed by my inadequacies or frustrated with the delays I pray and confess the words of Psalm 138:8 (one of my all-time favorites):

The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever-  do not abandon the works of Your hand.

I find great comfort, strength & confidence in the Word of God. It is my roadmap and a flawless GPS to navigate every bump, detour & destination in this life. (And unlike my GPS [Melda] He isn't desperately in need of a  map update, neither does He recalculate 14 times per trip. I'm also fairly sure that He doesn't have a British accent, but you never know.)

It is in the seasons that just feel like "in-betweens" that  I best learn to trust Him with my whole heart. So I guess I should be grateful for the uncomfortable season in which I presently live :).

If you're brave enough to admit you're directionally challenged (literally or figuratively), please share your best story with me!

*megan

messy, imperfect, beautiful [me & you]

Another e-mail blog. Please pardon any aesthetic and/or grammatical errors you may stumble upon. It is late and I'm in the car, somewhere in Ohio. Or is it Indiana?

Just saw a sign. It's still Ohio for 26 more miles. Don't worry, I'm not driving, I'm happily passenger-ing. I'll share trip highlights soon but tonight I just want to share what is on my heart. A little road-trip food for thought.

First, I want to encourage everyone to practice speaking words of life into and over your family & friends, acquaintances & strangers. Tell them what they mean to God and to you. Write them a note. Thank them for pouring into you. Buy them a little something that made you think of them from the moment you saw it. Send a piece of snail mail (my favorite!). You just might have a lasting impact. Your encouragement, your little bit of love may be enough to get them through a tough time. You may never know the impact you make on someone's life by a small, heartfelt gesture. Or one day they may tell you and it will just mess you up/make you cry/humble you/remind you how faithful God is.

Second, don't ever stop celebrating your freedom in Christ! If you've yielded your life to Him He's brought you out into a spacious place- and He's brought you there because He delights in you (Psalm 18). Yes, YOU!

You- who still makes mistakes.

You- who yelled at your spouse and/or kids today.

You- with the extra 20/35/50 pounds you can't seem to shed.

You- with the dreams that don't seem to be coming true right now (or ever).

You- who struggles to stop comparing yourself to anybody and everybody.

You- who doesn't always "feel" so free.

The Lord of all the earth, Almighty God... He DELIGHTS in messy, imperfect, beautiful me & you.

He loves you AND He likes you.

He's rescued you from sin and brought you into a spacious place.

And I feel like tonight He just wants somebody to get this:

"I have brought you into a spacious place. And I want you to utilize it."

*megan

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I use the words "septic tank" in this post, so you know it's gotta be good...

Tonight, I'm sharing a poem about the kind of week month I'm having. Sometimes you just gotta get in touch with your 10-year-old self and write a silly but tragically serious poem. So, here is a little insight into my relationship with God these days:).

When You take the lead

This dance simply flows

When I take the lead

I step on Your toes

ouch

When You take the lead

My story is epic

When I take the lead

Life ends up in the septic

tank

When You take the lead

The results are fantastic

When I take the lead

I'm stressed out and spastic

ick

When You take the lead

I can confidently chase

When I take the lead

I need to press the backspace

button

When You take the lead

I'll admit I get antsy

But I trust that Your plan is

Much, much, much more fancy

than mine

And when You take the lead

Worry has no place

So here I wait again

Nestled safely in Your grace

...sigh

Even in a season when it is very difficult to wait on the Lord and be of good courage I am thankful for laughter and joy in His presence. Whatever would I do without Jesus?

Anyone else right here with me?

*megan

solitary in families

My birthday was wonderful! I must admit I had my doubts about how the day would turn out. Sometimes I get sad & lonely for the ones I'm not with and places I can't be. Just one of the drawbacks of living such a transitory lifestyle, I guess. But I am very thankful that God knew what I needed and blessed me with such a special day.

I spent it with family... (best nephew ever!)

And with a few best friends... (Katie & Mel!)

Sweet, sweet Lindsey Hall bought me a cake! All my favorite colors;).

God is relationship-oriented. It's something I really like about Him. He blesses us with companionship with Himself (WOW) as well as with the fellowship of other believers. Together, we make up a great big family.

I had the privilege of spending my evening with spiritual family. I was blessed with a sense of belonging that I have been missing. The entire Olson family joined us for dinner then had us over to their home for a wonderful time!

It was a perfect summer night. Hot & humid- my fave! After watching HILARIOUS videos (laughed my head off), playing a game and hanging out inside LaFawn suggested taking the party outside to "make memories". And that we did! Sam caught a huge frog and I gave it a birthday kiss. Why not, right? :)

I held its little webby hands and it wrapped its webby fingers around my thumbs. I must admit, it was pretty cute, even for a NON-animal-lover like myself!

A scripture I couldn't let go of that entire night was Psalm 68:6- "He sets the solitary in families..." It is amazing how much healing God ministered to me from just a few hours spent with a Godly family. Sigh.

I'm very thankful to be serving a God who cares about my emotional and relational needs. He is so faithful!

*megan

Summer Begins...

It's a little after midnight on June 9th.

My summer begins officially today! (after 6-7 hours of sleep, I hope!)

Floyd MC's graduation was Sunday and I've spent the past 3 days doing laundry, spending time with friends, packing, loading my car, giving things away, uploading pictures, saying goodbyes/see-ya-later's and drinking an inordinate amount of coffee.

The past few months have been crazy busy between MC and personal obligations, so I am ready to R-E-L-A-X for a minute or two! I could pursue many things this summer: leisure, travel, family time, a phenomenal tan, friendships, entertainment. None of these things are bad in and of themselves. But focused pursuit of God is what I'm about this summer!

I don't really have any solid summer plans. Lots (and I mean LOTS) of ideas are stirring in my head and in my heart, but I know I must begin in the place of prayer and pursuit of the Lord.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Shawnee, KS to spend some time with my sister, bro-in-law and favorite human a.k.a. my nephew London. I plan on spending as much time as possible at the International House of Prayer. I'm not sure how long I'll be in Kansas or how much traveling I'll get to do this summer. But one thing that's for sure is this is a time marked out to spend quality time first and foremost with Jesus, the One who loved me first.

This summer is a Season of Pursuit. Expect to see me "hash-tagging" this on Twitter.

How do you plan on connecting with God this summer?

*megan

Not a Guilt Trip

Close your eyes and picture that rugged, jagged, rough cross. Picture the broken, bruised, bloodied body of Jesus as He hangs in agony.
Envision it.
Let the reality of those dark hours invade your mind.

This isn't a guilt trip.

It is, in fact, quite the opposite.

On that cross He carried our guilt. He carried the heavy burden of our wrongdoings. He hung on the cross naked in shame; yet this act provided the way for us to live without shame.

It seems foolish, really, to the natural mind: His shame paving the way for our restoration. His blood providing our only hope of salvation.

It is a haunting, beautiful mystery. Such a seemingly foolish exchange. His life for mine. His perfect heart given in exchange for my pitiful state, my corrupt mind, my perverted nature.

Picture that jagged cross once more, see Jesus laying His life down for you.

It's not a guilt trip.

It's not.

It is more fascinating and wonderful than any other act in all of history.

He bled; not to condemn the guilty, not to shame the impure, not to accuse the failures.

He bled for freedom. He bled for restoration. He bled so you might know Him, and intimately, at that. He bled for your future.

He bled for love.

He bled for you.

*megan
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