better than bacitracin

Today was the big day: that epic day on which you took the training wheels off your child's bike.

Hours ago they were a terrified novice, pleading that you run with them and hold on so they don't fall. For an hour or so, you were convinced you'd be in marathon shape by day's end.

But that was this morning.  

inspired.

love is the great inspiration.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love..."  -Father God

*megan

I Will Waste My Life

I will waste my life,
I'll be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
Just to find I'm at Your feet,
Let me find I'm at Your feet.

I leave my father's house, and I leave my mother.
I leave all I have known, and I'll have no other.

For I am in love with You,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with You,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with You,
I want to take Your name.
I am in love with You,
I want to cling to You, Jesus,
Just let me cling to You, Jesus.

I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, And I press on, yes I press on.

["I Will Waste My Life", Misty Edwards]

I first heard this song in the summer of 2008 and was quite uncomfortable with the terminology "waste my life." It seemed a strange thing to say about serving a worthy God. I couldn't get past the first line because I just didn't get it. Too often when I don't understand something I just forget about it and move on. [I've missed a lot that way. Not recommended.]

Time has past, and recently I find this song wrecking me. I know no other way to put it. I'm just beginning to understand this lovesick desperation to be one with Jesus. The burning desire to take His name, to love Him more, to know the deep things of His heart.

Many people are surely wasting their lives on a whole lot of nothing. That is not what Misty is singing about here! A more accurate definition is: "to use, consume, spend, or expend thoughtlessly or carelessly." This song is about extravagant love that consumes one's entire being.

Extravagant love like that of the immoral woman who poured out fragrant oil (worth a year's wages) over the feet of Jesus without a care.

Extravagant love like David's when he thoughtlessly and furiously danced before the Lord. Passionate, consuming love doesn't think twice.

Extravagant love that compelled a poor widow to give all she had to her Lord.

Extravagant love like Paul's that testified of the infinite value of knowing Jesus; a burning conviction that becoming one with Him was worth discarding everything else. 

Extravagant love like that of Jesus, whose heart melted within Him as He was poured out to redeem you and I.

It is His extravagant love that beckons us to use, consume, spend, and expend thoughtlessly and even carelessly our very lives... for love.

I will waste my life.

*megan

My God is a Chain Snapper:)

This Thanksgiving eve I find myself wanting to write about only one thing: the testimony of what Jesus Christ has done for me!

One of my favorite Psalms in this season of my life is Psalm 107.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others He has redeemed you from your enemies. Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom, imprisoned in iron chains of misery. "Lord, help!" they cried in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; He snapped their chains.

(verses 1-2, 10, 13-14)

I love this Psalm so much because I feel as if I could have written it myself, concerning my own life. I've been on a transformational journey these past few years and today I want to testify about the chain-snapping power of God in my life! It's the blogger's version of speaking out!

This time 2 years ago...
I was sitting in that place of darkness and deepest gloom that Psalm 107 speaks of. I was entrapped in sin, exhausted from the sick cycle of striving to get it right but always failing. Hopelessness set in, and I came to place where I honestly believed that redemption was a lost cause for me. Over time my conscience became more seared, so I was no longer ashamed of my sin. I was actually determined to enjoy it since I "couldn't" get free. I told the Holy Spirit to shut up so many times that in general I stopped hearing from Him.

Those iron shackles of darkness and gloom were not formed overnight. The formation of these chains began for me at a very early age but took a turn for the worse in 1997, at the age of 13. By 2008, after over 10 years of addiction that left me battered and exhausted, I gave up on my relationship with Jesus.

The great news is He never gave up on me.
He just kept waiting for me to give Him permission to invade my broken life with a holy invasion.

In December of 2008 my life hit an all-time low and I re-dedicated my life to Jesus. I didn't want to because I felt too messy, too broken, like I needed to have a few clean months before coming to Him. But I'm so glad I didn't wait! If I had waited until I was all cleaned up, I would still be sitting in that dark prison of sin. And though those first several months of confession and accountability were pretty ugly, He was so committed to me. He gave me wonderful friends- one in particular, Charity Starr Ramlal, who committed herself to seeing me restored to wholeness in Jesus. She even took me into her home and let me live alongside of her, keeping me accountable and calling me forward when I felt too weak.

The journey since December of 2008 has been full of challenges, and I did not change overnight. But when I finally had a love encounter with my Father, unbelievable things began to happen to me. God removed the shame of my sin, so that I could actually view myself as a pure, untainted, whole daughter of God. Like a little girl whose father just cannot help but delight in her! He filled me with joy in His presence, a joy that on several occasions has overtaken me so that I cannot control my laughter. He let me step into His presence and experience just a taste of His glory, so heavy that I could not stand up under it. He baptized me in His Holy Spirit and with fire and gave me boldness to share His truth with the lost. These outward manifestations are simply the overflow of the deep inner healing and redemption that have taken place.

So when I read Psalm 107 I think back to my prison chains of shame, fear, addiction, and hopelessness. I remember that He has snapped my chains, He has restored my soul. Anytime I sit down and meditate on all He has done in my life my heart literally feels as though it is going to burst out of my chest. No exaggeration, seriously, He overwhelms me! And when I worship through a song that speaks of redemption the song resonates with my restored heart, and I cannot keep myself from going crazy! How can I do anything but dance, sing, and shout when He has done what I thought was impossible for me?! Extravagant worship, generous giving, and abandoned lives are a normal response to that kind of miracle!

So this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the past 2 years of miraculous transformation He has brought to pass in my life. I'm thankful that He did for me what I could not do for myself. He transferred me to a new kingdom, He restored my soul. He snapped my chains and set me free! Hallelujah!!

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.

-Psalm 40:3

*megan

Not a Guilt Trip

Close your eyes and picture that rugged, jagged, rough cross. Picture the broken, bruised, bloodied body of Jesus as He hangs in agony.
Envision it.
Let the reality of those dark hours invade your mind.

This isn't a guilt trip.

It is, in fact, quite the opposite.

On that cross He carried our guilt. He carried the heavy burden of our wrongdoings. He hung on the cross naked in shame; yet this act provided the way for us to live without shame.

It seems foolish, really, to the natural mind: His shame paving the way for our restoration. His blood providing our only hope of salvation.

It is a haunting, beautiful mystery. Such a seemingly foolish exchange. His life for mine. His perfect heart given in exchange for my pitiful state, my corrupt mind, my perverted nature.

Picture that jagged cross once more, see Jesus laying His life down for you.

It's not a guilt trip.

It's not.

It is more fascinating and wonderful than any other act in all of history.

He bled; not to condemn the guilty, not to shame the impure, not to accuse the failures.

He bled for freedom. He bled for restoration. He bled so you might know Him, and intimately, at that. He bled for your future.

He bled for love.

He bled for you.

*megan
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love at first sight

this past tuesday evening i arrived at my new home: floyd, iowa.

the last hour of my drive i found myself overcome by a deep sense of awe and wonder at the beauty surrounding me. the sunset was breathtaking, the clouds putting a 3D spin on the sky's every hue. brilliance. the hills, the farmland amazed me. my eyes kept filling with tears. after 5 years in indiana you'd think i'd be used to it- but this was beautiful beyond beautiful to me!

i knew i was almost home!

when i saw the "welcome to floyd" sign my heart pounded in my chest and i got butterflies in my stomach. i was overjoyed, my heart was melting; it was pure love! love at first sight. i've never experienced this before- it was simply glorious!

such a thrilling first meeting!
but i can say that i do not know that it would have been so powerful if i had not first yielded myself to Lord for this season.

i've been super emotional since about mid-june. i decided when all the tears began to let myself take this emotional journey- to feel, to hurt, to be overjoyed, to grieve, to remember- whatever i needed to make a healthy transition. still, in all that emotion i sensed a deeper, Spirit to spirit change taking place. a mysterious, holy preparation i could not even comprehend. over the past several months my prayer language changed, and the Spirit is manifesting in some new ways i haven't experienced before. it was only in my last few days in lafayette that i had a quickening, a sudden and clear understanding of what these emotions and spirit changes were for.

i sensed all at once on monday that i had to say goodbye to indiana as "home" for good. more than a goodbye, i sensed a "do not" from the Lord.
"do not call lafayette home anymore. My heart will be your home, and wherever i lead you, you may call home for the season in which i call you there."
i lived out 5 beautiful, tumultuous, blessed years in indiana. God has done everything He intended to do in my heart there, and now i must go with all my heart to where He is leading. i must choose to trust that where He leads, He will sustain. no man-made clauses, no loopholes into getting my way or my plan in the process.

giving up, letting go
never was i in control
falling into love again
a love that demands my everything
be given

i penned those words over 2 years ago, but they are as real and fresh to my heart today as the day i sat down in tears, grabbed my guitar, and sang them for the first time.

He loves it when we yield. on monday i chose to yield the final things i held onto so He could release me into the new. i left lafayette well. on good terms with all, with all lose ends tied up.

i was ready.
fully yielded.
fully obedient.

maybe that's why it was so easy to fall in love with floyd at first sight.

maybe it was so easy to say "hello" because i took the time to say "goodbye".


*megan