deep inside this armor...

"...the warrior is a child."

As a little girl I would sing this song at the top of my lungs, right along with our family's Twila Paris cassette tape. It meant something to me then, even as a child. But twenty years later I'm singing it from my heart like never before.

It is a confession of sorts: I'm weak. I'm not as brave as you think.
Or, if I was to be fully transparent: I'm not as brave as I wanted you to think.

So tonight I admit, with eyes full of tears, that the only thing holding me together from one day to the next is my precious Papa in heaven. Today I'm not afraid to confess that He is the only strength I have. For if it is truly in my weakness that His strength is perfected, He's never looked stronger than He does right now.

*megan


*The Warrior is a Child*

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

-Gary Valenciano
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Encourage yourself!

My Dad was my rock my second year in Master's Commission. It was a rough year of ministry, and I often found myself overwhelmed with discouragement. Every Tuesday I'd call Dad on my lunch break, pouring out my heart and often quite a few tears. He usually just would listen then pray with me, but one particular Tuesday he gave me an unforgettable piece of wisdom. Years later, I still consider it to be some of the best advice I've ever been given.

He said: "Megan, you are not always going to have your Daddy or someone near you to encourage you. You have to learn to encourage yourself in the Lord."

God has blessed me with friends and family who believe in me and lift me up, but there truly are times when only God can bring comfort and strength.

There are times when no one will have the words to lift your spirit besides His Holy Spirit. His words will speak life.
There are dark hours, lonely seasons when we must look to Him alone for strength. He must become our joy, the One who causes us to smile.

I do not mean to diminish the role of the Church in any way! Fellowship is essential for believers, as we are relational beings through and through. But we must not go to others with our burdens before we've received the comfort and strength of God's Holy Spirit. We are not to place on someone the weight of our heavy burden. That being said, we ARE called to "share each other's burdens"(Gal. 6:2).

Share, not transfer.

And if we have first sought Christ to encourage, strengthen, and lift us, we are able to share our burden with a brother or sister without overwhelming them, and vice versa. God does the heavy lifting!

We must learn to encourage ourselves in the Lord. He is all-sufficient. He is. Don't doubt His ability to work on Your behalf.


*megan



"Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer."

-What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

country livin'

here are a few things i really enjoy about living in floyd:

• in summer we dry our clothes on the line, and they come down smelling like sunshine!
• i have horses in my backyard. literally. i look out the kitchen window and see my home openers' horses running around!
• i don't have to lock my car doors. being a compulsive door-locker, you'd think i'd lock them anyway. but my driver's side keyhole doesn't work. leaving the doors unlocked keeps me from having to walk around the passenger side and turn the key multiple times to finally unlock all the doors. i like this.
• we recycle anything we can, and burn the rest.
• there is a beautiful river, clean enough to swim in (be jealous, hoosier friends).
• next weekend is the Gospel Sing, 2 entire days devoted to fellowship and enjoyment of southern gospel music!
• my new friend ruth ann is going to take me to buy goat's milk! she and other ladies make their own laundry soap, too.
• we have thrift stores that are so boss, you can't even imagine.
• it is just plain beautiful here. i never would have imagined what a beautiful, peaceful place this would be! so much more than cornfields.
• every night i can go sit outside, look up and fall more in love with the Maker of the stars.
• the people here possess unparalleled kindness. in just a few weeks i have found myself feeling so at home with the loving people of floyd!

(for those who were wondering, the things i don't like involve having zero at&t reception and being 30 miles from taco bell. i'm sure i will survive such tribulations as these).


*megan

Not a Guilt Trip

Close your eyes and picture that rugged, jagged, rough cross. Picture the broken, bruised, bloodied body of Jesus as He hangs in agony.
Envision it.
Let the reality of those dark hours invade your mind.

This isn't a guilt trip.

It is, in fact, quite the opposite.

On that cross He carried our guilt. He carried the heavy burden of our wrongdoings. He hung on the cross naked in shame; yet this act provided the way for us to live without shame.

It seems foolish, really, to the natural mind: His shame paving the way for our restoration. His blood providing our only hope of salvation.

It is a haunting, beautiful mystery. Such a seemingly foolish exchange. His life for mine. His perfect heart given in exchange for my pitiful state, my corrupt mind, my perverted nature.

Picture that jagged cross once more, see Jesus laying His life down for you.

It's not a guilt trip.

It's not.

It is more fascinating and wonderful than any other act in all of history.

He bled; not to condemn the guilty, not to shame the impure, not to accuse the failures.

He bled for freedom. He bled for restoration. He bled so you might know Him, and intimately, at that. He bled for your future.

He bled for love.

He bled for you.

*megan
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

love at first sight

this past tuesday evening i arrived at my new home: floyd, iowa.

the last hour of my drive i found myself overcome by a deep sense of awe and wonder at the beauty surrounding me. the sunset was breathtaking, the clouds putting a 3D spin on the sky's every hue. brilliance. the hills, the farmland amazed me. my eyes kept filling with tears. after 5 years in indiana you'd think i'd be used to it- but this was beautiful beyond beautiful to me!

i knew i was almost home!

when i saw the "welcome to floyd" sign my heart pounded in my chest and i got butterflies in my stomach. i was overjoyed, my heart was melting; it was pure love! love at first sight. i've never experienced this before- it was simply glorious!

such a thrilling first meeting!
but i can say that i do not know that it would have been so powerful if i had not first yielded myself to Lord for this season.

i've been super emotional since about mid-june. i decided when all the tears began to let myself take this emotional journey- to feel, to hurt, to be overjoyed, to grieve, to remember- whatever i needed to make a healthy transition. still, in all that emotion i sensed a deeper, Spirit to spirit change taking place. a mysterious, holy preparation i could not even comprehend. over the past several months my prayer language changed, and the Spirit is manifesting in some new ways i haven't experienced before. it was only in my last few days in lafayette that i had a quickening, a sudden and clear understanding of what these emotions and spirit changes were for.

i sensed all at once on monday that i had to say goodbye to indiana as "home" for good. more than a goodbye, i sensed a "do not" from the Lord.
"do not call lafayette home anymore. My heart will be your home, and wherever i lead you, you may call home for the season in which i call you there."
i lived out 5 beautiful, tumultuous, blessed years in indiana. God has done everything He intended to do in my heart there, and now i must go with all my heart to where He is leading. i must choose to trust that where He leads, He will sustain. no man-made clauses, no loopholes into getting my way or my plan in the process.

giving up, letting go
never was i in control
falling into love again
a love that demands my everything
be given

i penned those words over 2 years ago, but they are as real and fresh to my heart today as the day i sat down in tears, grabbed my guitar, and sang them for the first time.

He loves it when we yield. on monday i chose to yield the final things i held onto so He could release me into the new. i left lafayette well. on good terms with all, with all lose ends tied up.

i was ready.
fully yielded.
fully obedient.

maybe that's why it was so easy to fall in love with floyd at first sight.

maybe it was so easy to say "hello" because i took the time to say "goodbye".


*megan