this past tuesday evening i arrived at my new home: floyd, iowa.
the last hour of my drive i found myself overcome by a deep sense of awe and wonder at the beauty surrounding me. the sunset was breathtaking, the clouds putting a 3D spin on the sky's every hue. brilliance. the hills, the farmland amazed me. my eyes kept filling with tears. after 5 years in indiana you'd think i'd be used to it- but this was beautiful beyond beautiful to me!
i knew i was almost home!
when i saw the "welcome to floyd" sign my heart pounded in my chest and i got butterflies in my stomach. i was overjoyed, my heart was melting; it was pure love! love at first sight. i've never experienced this before- it was simply glorious!
such a thrilling first meeting!
but i can say that i do not know that it would have been so powerful if i had not first yielded myself to Lord for this season.
i've been super emotional since about mid-june. i decided when all the tears began to let myself take this emotional journey- to feel, to hurt, to be overjoyed, to grieve, to remember- whatever i needed to make a healthy transition. still, in all that emotion i sensed a deeper, Spirit to spirit change taking place. a mysterious, holy preparation i could not even comprehend. over the past several months my prayer language changed, and the Spirit is manifesting in some new ways i haven't experienced before. it was only in my last few days in lafayette that i had a quickening, a sudden and clear understanding of what these emotions and spirit changes were for.
i sensed all at once on monday that i had to say goodbye to indiana as "home" for good. more than a goodbye, i sensed a "do not" from the Lord.
"do not call lafayette home anymore. My heart will be your home, and wherever i lead you, you may call home for the season in which i call you there."
i lived out 5 beautiful, tumultuous, blessed years in indiana. God has done everything He intended to do in my heart there, and now i must go with all my heart to where He is leading. i must choose to trust that where He leads, He will sustain. no man-made clauses, no loopholes into getting my way or my plan in the process.
giving up, letting go
never was i in control
falling into love again
a love that demands my everything
i penned those words over 2 years ago, but they are as real and fresh to my heart today as the day i sat down in tears, grabbed my guitar, and sang them for the first time.
He loves it when we yield. on monday i chose to yield the final things i held onto so He could release me into the new. i left lafayette well. on good terms with all, with all lose ends tied up.
i was ready.
maybe that's why it was so easy to fall in love with floyd at first sight.
maybe it was so easy to say "hello" because i took the time to say "goodbye".