life is the fast lane...

where does time go?

over the past 7 years i have lived in 11 apartments/houses across 5 states.

i have visited lake tahoe, the grand canyon, and dracula's castle.

i have broken my foot, eaten horse meat, heard gun shots from my yard, bought my first car, protested for justice, and lost and gained more pounds than i could possible track.

i have fallen in love.

i have gained perspective.

i have been proud of myself and who i've become.

i've been ashamed of myself and who i've become.

i have worked 10 jobs, 7 part time, 6 for non-profit organizations.

i have lost people whom i loved deeply.

i have thrown away 1/4 of my possessions at least twice.

i have changed my mind.

i have had a lot and i have had a little.

i have learned the secret to being content- i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

so where does time go?

well, i'm not really sure. but i do know this- there is no slow lane in this life... life is the fast lane. there's no slowing down, no delaying these moments: they just keep happening.

i'm not at all where i'd expected i'd be at 25. i'm not married, i have no children, i work a couple of part time jobs and don't have much to show for it; but i'm not disappointed.

the glamour level of my life has dramatically decreased, but right now i think i've got the best life of all. i'm learning that my value is not in all these things i've done. they do not define me. they are part of me, but with or without them i am still so loved, so honored, so adored by my God.

from day one until the day we leave this earth, life is a journey. one day at a time, we write our story.

and i'm not really done writing but the library is kicking me out.

lovin' the journey!

lost cause...

for the disciples of Jesus...


what is a lost cause?
simply defined, it is a hopeless undertaking; a cause that's been defeated or faces inevitable defeat.

oh how often i faithlessly assess situations and casually throw them into the category of "lost cause." it's just easier that way, isn't it? i know i'm not the only one who does it. all the suffering and sorrow of this world can overwhelm even the strongest individuals at times, making it difficult to hope for things we do not see, things we have never seen.

in these times of trouble we often surrender our minds to the same hopeless mentality as the world. we choose reason over faith, natural eyes over the eyes of the Spirit. we look at situations with logical eyes, and with logical minds we analyze and categorize them. with logical mouths we "call things as we see them", under the banner of "speaking the truth."

but the reality is that many "lost causes" are not lost at all. we have simply given up fighting for them because they are too difficult. much of what we call lost, if we are to be truthful, has actually been abandoned.

if a cause is truly lost, perhaps we can do nothing. but if abandoned, the responsibility for what is lost by inactivity lies completely on we who have given up.

that's all i've got for now.

frustration

it's the little things that get me.

expectations not being met.
inability to please people.
inability to please myself.
questions i can't answer.
no ink in the printer.
horrible hair days.
being homesick.
dad's computer.
[all computers].
interferences.
confusion.
allergies.

even the fact that i get frustrated at many little things frustrates me.

would you rather...?

ever played that game "would you rather"? though it can be a humorous get-to-know-you game i most often find myself frustrated with the questions. would i rather eat maggot-infested meat or moldy mac and cheese for the rest of my life? hmm... tough choice. or, would i rather trade two of my senses for a superpower sixth sense or continue living life with the usual five? i really don't know.

what i do know is why i get frustrated.
these questions bother me because in the end they are utterly pointless.
nothing is wrong with having fun with others, but i find myself wondering when depth and authenticity were replaced by... maggots and superpowers.

the questions we ask and the time we spend with others often serve the purpose of entertainment but do very little for the soul and spirit. maybe in all the fun and silliness (which i definitely think we need at times; we are fun people!) we are shortchanging our relationships.

i wonder what it would be like if we challenged each other with questions like this:

would you rather live in hope of something excellent that is improbable,
or live in assurance of average things you know can happen?

would you rather love someone passionately and lose them,
or keep yourself first so it's easier to pick up the pieces?

would you rather fail attempting a great feat,
or stick to the realm of the known?

would you rather believe for a miracle,
or unquestioningly accept a diagnosis?

would you rather live your life,
or just let it happen?

friends, would you rather cultivate authentic relationships with those who love you enough to confront and challenge you; or would you prefer acquaintance "friendships" based on recreation and fun?

would you dare risk your pride for accountability, or would you rather share only what information makes you look better?

would you rather be the friend who asks the hard questions, or one who settles for knowing favorite colors and hobbies?

would you rather trust another and be let down, or live life alone?


i think i'd rather try authenticity again...

June 1-3

day one...

highlights: visiting LAURA!, touching lake michigan for the first time, going to chicago for approximately 2.5 hours before getting bored and heading home, driving for an hour looking for an open blockbuster video. visiting koolsville, but leaving before they could mutilate my body.

lesson learned: trash bags are versatile devices. they can be used to protect clothing and hair from moisture in the event of a downpour. fyi, chipotle is very generous to give free trash bags to customers who are brave enough to ask. enter laura, the courageous one.

day two...

highlights: long-awaited trip to dunkin donuts. getting 32 mpg at one point in the trip. visiting ihop in kc and enjoying some time there. finally holding my nephew for more than a few minutes! he's cute.

new likes: imogen heap (thank you joseph!). driving below the speed limit. not being rushed.

day three...

well it is not nearly over yet...

highlights: sleeping in. melissa. london. washing all my dirty laundry (lots and lots... it was out of hand)! watching the american idol season finale with my sister while holding my sleeping nephew.

fun fact: my brother in law just got home from work!!! i snapped a few pictures on my phone of london laying on my knees:) he has a faux-hawk, because he is cool. in the third pic i think he's trying to tell everyone he is "west side".

Can the word "blog" be a verb?

...just wondering. If so, I "blog" now. I have a blog, and I blog on it. With it? Oh that I were with the times...